You Can Choose to Stand Still
My Mad Fat Diary is quite possibly the greatest show I have ever seen. I’m an American who grew up in the Late 90s and 2000’s, but I found an identity in the struggles of a teen in early 90’s Manchester, England. The show is really only available to Americans through (possibly illegal) YouTube streams, but it has been worth the hours of watching and re-watching. The music in the show immediately pulls the heart strings too. And, honestly, I don’t know why but it seems that every big thought I’ve ever had has been worked out with a soundtrack of 90’s alternative rock, usually of the British variety. So, it was in the late hours of the night that I watched the very last episode of My Mad Fat Diary while sitting with heavily confusing thoughts and ideas. Of course, a song sparked the sorting of these thoughts into a movement lightly rising through my spirit.
If you think you don’t know the band The Verve, you do. They play that song Bittersweet Symphony that somehow everyone has heard. It was there song Lucky Man though that got my life in perspective. I had never once heard this song before and I consider myself a bit of an aficionado in this particular genre. That aside, it was like an immediate melody of understanding. Even though it may seem like I need to walk away from people or objects or fears, I don’t want to and there may be a something to that.
The lyrics aren’t saying anything particular but something about this song reminds me of growing up, and not just in the way that we all grow up as we move into a new stage of life, but growing up in finding what is not working for you. There are certain things that work, and when they do it feels like the clicking of a seatbelt, but there are things that can’t work and can’t be forced. We often think that those things that can’t be forced show that it is necessary to walk away, but it isn’t-- not always.
Sometimes, staying still while everything pushes you to walk away is your decision to commit to what you know and not what you want to know. That is not to say that you shouldn’t listen to what logic is telling you, but it is saying that sometimes you just know what you need to do even when it feels like you don’t.
In this particular instance, I watched My Mad Fat Diary while heavily awaiting a final kiss between the protagonist and quite possibly the most attractive man I’ve ever seen who plays her on again off again boyfriend. (May or may not be metaphorical to the problems I was thinking about). When they didn’t kiss though, I kind of got it. Even though I was frustrated with them not ending up together it all clicked to me. She knew she had to be on her own even when she felt like she needed him, she had to be there for herself. She walked away for herself, but the moment told me that I could stay still.
Staying still isn’t walking away and it’s not chasing, its standing proud of who you are and being there when an opportunity, person, or adventure is finally meeting you at the right time. It hurts like hell, but sometimes things hurt and that’s just what it is. I’m not writing this to give advice, I’m writing this because sometimes you need to know that you may hurt but you don’t always have to walk because of that.
Also, My Mad Fat Diary is literally the best show and The Verve has some pretty great music.
